Who Shat in the Bed?
Who Shat in the Bed?

Who Shat in the Bed?

Warning: Do not read this posting if you’re squeamish about poop!

Today, around 2am I was awakened by an overwhelming smell of poop. My first thought was that Buckwheat must have pooped on his bed made of old blankets which is located right next to our bed. I turned on the light to find that Buckwheat wasn’t in the room. Chez was sleeping on Buckwheat’s bed.

As a side note, Buckwheat is around 112 years old and has been losing bowel control. He often leaves a present and doesn’t even know it.

Back to the story…

I went into the office room to see if the Buckster left me a present. Nope, it didn’t smell like shit in there. I went back to the bedroom in search of the cause of the foul smell.  I around looked for a frozen poopsicle that someone may have brought in through the dog door. I didn’t see anything. The smell was truly overpowering. I though maybe Bruno was having bad gas, and sniffed his bum. Nope. It wasn’t Bruno. Neptune’s tumbly had been growling, so I sniffed his bum. Yuk. Neptune smelled like shit. But wait, I looked at the bed and there was a brown turd sleeping next to me. Geez. Gross. Nasty. Barf. How could this happen?? Neptune wouldn’t shit in the bed? Would he? How come I didn’t smell it until now? Where did it come from. Help. I’m sleeping next to crap.

Okay. I got a hold of myself and began to clean up. I pushed all of the dogs off of the bed, pulled the sheets off, brought the nasty ones outside, and put new sheets and blankets on the bed. I walked by the office room to find that in all of the excitement, Buckwheat left me a warm present. I cleaned this up and was ready to get back into bed, but it occurred to me that both Neptune and I were sleeping on a turd. I began to sniff Neptune, and sure enough, he smelled like shit. I escorted him into the bathroom and began to clean the parts that smelled bad. It wasn’t working. I put him in the shower. At first he was whining, but then realized that he was going to get to take a shower with me, so he didn’t mind. I washed the both of us and then used the hair dryer to dry Neptune off because I didn’t want a wet dog to jump into bed.

By now it was 2:30am and I felt compelled to call Greg, who was in Texas, and tell him the news. He didn’t seem to mind being woken up at 5:30am to hear about shit in the bed. It’s not the first time we’ve been woken up do to some type of excretion.

We all went back to sleep. But the question remains, who shat in the bed? The suspects are Neptune, Bruno, Scully, Chez, Sam, Chester, Sugar, Buckwheat, and Ilana. We were all in the bed at sometime during the night.

  • Sugar was sleeping just outside of the bedroom– in a location where she normally doesn’t hang out. Could she have been in the bed just before I went to sleep?
  • Earlier in the evening, there was a turd in the hallway, which I suspect was from Buckwheat. It wasn’t a full turd though. Could Buckwheat have been in the bed, shat in the bed, and then leave additional stuff in the hall? But why didn’t I smell the shit when I first got into bed?
  • Chester was in bed, right before I climbed in, and Scully was in be right before Chester.
  • Sam and Bruno were in there usual spots, curled up on top of me.
  • Chez was on Buckwheat’s bed, but could have been on the bed earlier in the evening.
  • Neptune was sleeping right next to me.
  • Ilana sometimes dreams that she has to take a dump. Could she have shat in the bed while dreaming about taking a dump?

Who do you think shat in the bed? You can take the poll on the right of this page to voice your opinion.

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